Wednesday, August 15, 2007

I want to get something off my chest.

I recognize that I am supposed to be better dressed than the doc. As a more subordinate employee, I show my respect through the clothes that I wear. However, even if I was a fellow doc working in this practice, I am quite sure I wouldn't be taking my cues from Dr. K. If I had to write an "Appropriate Attire" memo based on Dr. K's wardrobe, it might look something like this:

1. Wear ratty stained transparent T-shirts that look like your husband's undershirt. Everyone loves a healthcare provider who looks unbathed.

2. Whenever possible, wear a dark-colored bra or a bra with very thick ruffly lace underneath said tiny T. Our practice is focused on women and children. Since most women feel more comfortable with a female doc, let's not leave any room for doubt about your gender. Don't worry about people checking out your rack - just wear a bra that's so loose, your girls slide down your chest like fried eggs on bacon fat.

3. Very very tight pants are a must. This way all of the pelvic anatomy is clearly visible. You don't have to rely on silly old-school drawings and model skeletons when educating a patient about their lumbar alignment; just point to your own protruding bones and bursting organs when making your point.

4. Flip-flop? Flip-hot! Open-toed plastic bath shoes are the greatest thing to hit the pediatric medical attire industry since Grand Theft Auto scrubs!

5. Sundresses are great, particularly if the neckline plunges down to your bellybutton. Here too the "tighter the better" philosophy applies - when your flesh spills over the side of your bodice even though you yourself are thin, it makes your arms look so big and strong and lets patients know you can get the job done!

6. Slips and camisoles are for sissies. It's not you fault if the manufacturer of your dress didn't put any kind of lining underneath the flimsy polyester chiffon! So what if you look like you're auditioning for Girl Gone Wild? Patients love it!

I mean, I'm all for corporate transparency, but this is too much!


Nivek Yrurd said...

Chiropractors gone wild.

Crittergal said...

As a matter of fact, the good doc has just stepped out after mercifully realizing that the "stylish T" that is purposefully sewn to look like you're wearing it inside out is a tad bit inappropriate and trashy looking. And where are we shopping for our new wardrobe item? One of the dozens of high-end and women's apparel shops that line Rockville Pike? No. How about one of those great discount places where you can get designer outfits at deeply slashed prices? No again. No, she's off to Target this morning to find something classier than what she showed up today wearing. [throws hands up in air]