Fourth of July

Had a pretty boring Fourth. I knew Anyhc would freak out from the fireworks so I wanted to stay home with them. I ended up not even getting dressed all day. What a slob. Did see a cool movie, though - Pan's Labyrinth, which the guy at the movie store had recommended a while ago but I hadn't gotten because I thought it was going to be some creepy slasher flick. Turns out it was a fantasy about a girl in 1930s Spain who moves to this huge house in the country and discovers an abandoned labyrinth on the grounds filled with mythical creatures. Good stuff.

It poured pretty heavily for most of the night but by around 9pm, it had cleared somewhat and the neighbors started setting off fireworks. I tried my best to comfort Anyhc but she insisted on standing in the middle of the coffee table and shivering. Poor little girl. Even Telmah started panting nervously after about half an hour. So I tried to distract them with the tennis ball but nobody wanted to play. I kept hauling Anych into my lap to try to pet her and comfort her but she kept crawling precariously back down my legs, which were propped up on the coffee table, and just standing there looking around.

I'm only in the office today until 12:00 so I hope I'll get back up there pretty soon, maybe go for a walk. Dr. K's been pretty calm lately - no major freak-outs, just the usual. She really loves being coddled. I'm the kind of person who wants to do small things for myself, so if for example I am interested in the Chippewa Indians, I will look them up myself on the internet or go read some books. She, on the other hand, would be like, "Oh! Can you look up the Chippewa? I really want to know how they smoked their meat!" It's shocking because it is so damn lazy, but also because I would never ever trust anyone else to do it right. And the hunt for information is the fun part because you are going to learn so much more than just how they smoked their meat, and you will get lead off on other paths of inquiry. But for her, she loves knowing that she can just summon the information without having to work for it. Evidence of a dull uncurious mind. No wonder she's a "one-issue voter." Makes me think of that saying, "Maybe Liberal Intellectuals are liberal because they are intellectual."

She was bragging to me the other day about her grammar skills. She got all excited and was giving me a beady-eyed stare, waving her finger and proclaiming, "Don't mess with a sister! This sister knows her grammar!" Then she started sharing her pet peeves with me: "Like I hate it when you ask someone how they are and they say they're good. It's, 'I am well,' not, 'I am good.'"

Now it just so happens that this is also a peeve of mine, precisely because it is usually pretentious but poorly educated people who would ever think of saying, "I am well." So I cleared my throat and said, "Erm, actually, I think it is, 'I am good,' and 'I am doing well.' In the first case, 'good' modifies 'I,' which is a noun, and in the second case, 'well' modifies 'doing,' which is part of a present particple phrase."

She blinked. "Uhh . . . no . . . no, I don't - I don't think so. 'Well' can modify the 'am' in 'I am well' too."

"I'm pretty sure. Just as you would say, 'She is heavy,' but, 'She walks heavily.' You would never say, 'She is heavily,' would you?"

She stared at me for a moment, then waved her hand in the air. "Well, I don't know," she said, bending back over the papers on her desk. "That's just what I was taught."

By whom, a braindead monkey? I mean it's fine if you struggle with your grammar. There are things where I have questions. Commas are a constant puzzle to me. But don't go around showing everybody your shiny "Grammar Police" badge unless you actually have a clue what you're talking about.

But for the most part, I seem to have tamed the beast. Her parents are in town this week so she is on her best behavior. Her sister is also here from London. Every time the sister stops by the office, they talk for a little while and then as soon as she leaves, Dr. K is on the phone telling all her friends how fat her size 10 sister has gotten. And I can tell her parents are trying their best not to be ultra-critical when they are here. They strain to find something nice to say about the office, all the while looking around with unconscious sneers. Boy, there's a childhood I am glad I missed! No wonder she is such a nutbar. And the funny thing is, they started telling me about all the nice places they've been to and how much their dinners cost at such-and-such restaurant and how thick the mattresses were at that adorable boutique inn in North Carolina that was only $455 a night, just as Dr. K does. I kept thinking, is there not one thing about your life that you would want a stranger to know more than the specifics of last night's dinner tab? Is that your greatest contribution or pleasure? Pretty sad.

Well, anyway, that's probably enough judgmental bitching for one day . . .