Why do people call me "Sweetie?" If I am not your daughter or your lover, guess what? I ain't your sweetie.
This drives me f%&king INSANE!!!! I am not your sugarplum, noodlekins, shnooglypie, poopsie-woopsie. There is no sentence that is improved by a casual acquaintance adding the word "sweetie." Only people who have seen me naked have earned (and I do mean EARNED!) the right to call me Sweetie.
"Do you know where the stapler is?" Reasonable question.
"Have you seen the stapler, Sweetie?" Come over here so I can staple your tongue to the counter.
"Oh, you have GOT to see these X-rays!" Cool!
"Hey Sweetie! Wanna see these X-rays?" Diagnosis: bitchslap imminent.
It is just so condescending. I. Am. Not. Your. Sweetie. Why don't you just pat me on the head and give me a peppermint?
And people don't just do this when they are in a position of power, like a doctor or a professor calling me Sweetie when I am their patient or student. That is annoying enough. But I was talking to a mortgage lender, filling out paperwork for a $300,000 loan, and the guy goes, "Okay, Sweetie, I just need you to sign right here." Wait a second, I almost said. You want me to pay 6.375% interest? I'm not gonna. You're not the boss of me!
Or the other day I visited an apartment complex as a prospective resident. As I'm leaving, the woman hands me a packet of information. "I think you're all set here," she says. "Just let us know if you have any questions, Sweetie. M'kay?" Eww.
I REALLY don't understand women who go around calling each other Sweetie. It's as if we just started grabbing each other's boobs or whistling at each other's rear ends as we walk down the street. (*NEWSFLASH* This makes women feel threatened, not admired!) And when women use "Sweetie," it is always accompanied by this smirking shit-eating grin that just smears across their faces like an oil slick of condescension.
I have a name. Learn to use it.
14 comments:
Good call, it happens to me too, like I am someone's sweetie because I am 'the young guy.' If that makes any sense.
I can see how being called "sweetie" might be condescending in a professional setting. I don't think it's automatic disrespect in other scenarios though. If older people say hey sweetie, sweetheart, darling, sugar, etc. - I personally think it's sweet. I don't think "sweetie" is interchangable with "asshole" or "idiot". I think it's more like people trying to make "hey you" or "pal" sound a little nicer. And any efforts towards nice-ness I appreciate.
It's cool with old people. But I mean old people. With anybody else, you're right, it is not intentional disrespect. But that kind of makes it worse, when it is an unconscious coddling that reveals a feeling that I am not quite as capable as you.
And for some reason, bosses frequently want to call me "Sweetie" when they are asking me to do something or correcting a mistake, as if that "softens the blow." I am big enough to take correction and I am more offended by being treated as if I have a fragile psyche than if we both just acknowledge that a task needs to be done or I have made a mistake.
I consider the mortgage and apartment incidents to be professional settings because the person was acting in a professional capacity. When you are talking to a potential customer, you really do need to show them a level of regard that indicates that you believe them to be intelligent. "Sweetie" just doesn't cut it.
And to me - and this is a personal thing, although many women have said they agree with me - Sweetie is too familiar. It's creepy. As if a casual acquaintance called you "Tiger" or "Big Boy." It is an intimate term reserved for special loved ones.
"And for some reason, bosses frequently want to call me "Sweetie" when they are asking me to do something or correcting a mistake, as if that "softens the blow." "
I can see that being annoying and disrespectful. Also inappropriate in the professional setting as you said.
"But that kind of makes it worse, when it is an unconscious coddling that reveals a feeling that I am not quite as capable as you".
I certainly respect your feelings. But to me, I don't think that it's always - or even usually, a case of belittlement. I think some people have a really warm nature and express their fondness (even if you're a stranger) in that way. Of course, does that cross the line to creepy? Maybe:) I'm sure I'd be more sensitive to it if I were a woman, definetly a compelling view point!
HAHA, the picture to go along with this story was great!
"I certainly respect your feelings."
Thanks! We all have our "things," right? Like you with the whole "real" thing. Looks like overreaction until you understand where the person is coming from.
"HAHA, the picture to go along with this story was great!"
Thanks! I thought it was pretty funny too!
in this case, no one should ever assume someone wants to be called sweeite, ever. A 100% surefire way to get someones attention is to call them by their name. No one is ever going to be offended by calling them by their name. And you have about a 50/50 chance of someone being offended by you saying 'hey sweetie.' Solution, go with the safe bet.
Unless they are old then it is a different context. Professional settings, name basis only.
or "The Kevster" remains appropraite in my office for some reason.
HAHA "The Kevster".
"Unless they are old then it is a different context"
Oops, didn't mean to leave the quote there! I was going to go into a thing about age bias and someone young wanting to embody old school values like holding the doors for people and other stuff along those lines, but then thought "Nah, let it be" (although I kind of half assed just now instead - sorry).
"I was going to go into a thing about age bias and someone young wanting to embody old school values like holding the doors for people and other stuff along those lines..."
"Ma'am" is courteous.
"Miss" is courteous.
"Sweetie" . . . just isn't.
If it sounds suitable for a puppy or a two-year-old, it is a term of endearment. It should be saved for those who are dear.
"I don't think it's automatic disrespect in other scenarios though."
I don't think it is automatic disrespect. It is inappropriate. Condescension doesn't have to be deliberate. In fact, it is usually most striking when inadvertent.
"A 100% surefire way to get someones attention is to call them by their name. . . . Solution, go with the safe bet."
Exactly.
Kevster! HAHA! BTW, how's the Obama for President campaign going on the RianCam Levart bulletin board?
HAHA, it is still up on the bulletin board, which is suprising given the staunch right wing crusty old people walking around here. They are all afraid of me now because I said if anyone wants to take that down they need to talk to me first. hahahah, left wing muscle, a new reality series at RianCam Levart
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